Happy Friday! I hope you are doing fabulously and if you aren’t I hope you know you’re not alone and if you need anyone to talk to I’m here. I don’t need to know you to give you a cyber hug and remind you of how valuable you are to be on this Earth!
This week we celebrated Mental Health Day…it just so happen to be one of the hardest weeks I’ve endured for many reasons but mainly I haven’t been too nice to myself this week.
Thoughts that overwhelmed me this week:
- I am fake, I don’t have it at all together, I don’t deserve to be seen as someone that’s strong, courageous or empowered
- I am so behind with all my dreams. I’m already 32, people are younger than me living their most authentic life
- My list of things that need to get done is so long, I will never complete anything what’s the point of trying
- I can’t get it together with my health. I am slipping back to my old ways of emotionally eating and not drinking water. I’m failing
- I have all the desire to workout but I just can’t get myself to actually do it again. I’m already super fat why try
Tuesday night was the worst of the nights, I’m so grateful to have a loving partner that was there for me to coach me through my feelings as well as making me go straight to bed, held my hand and put on his favorite app for breathing meditation. Mind you the next day we went to couples therapy and then dinner where he came up with the idea to just write down alllllll things that make me feel the way I’ve been feeling. He made sure to point out it wasn’t to put myself down for what hasn’t been done but to write it all down and then figure out a way to prioritize and make it attainable with doing one or two things per day not a list of 80 things i write daily. I’m super good at making lists but then I’m so overwhelmed with the list I don’t even know where to start. This happens at work too and it makes me feel awful. This practice helped and made me see that most items on the list were in my hands to work on, and some just take time and consistent determination every day.
I’m sharing how I feel this week to shine light on rough days, rough weeks, rough months. I am still not feeling 100% better and anxiety is still in my chest but I know tomorrow will be a little bit better and better. Emotions are fluid and when I do share on social media how happy I am, it’s because I genuinely am. I am a positive person, I do know how blessed I am and I do know how to see the cup half full…through therapy I’m learning to be unashamed that I’m not always positive and I don’t always have my shit together.
Okay so…I do end up feeling better after a few days after I’ve practice grace and kindness towards myself. I always feels like I’m a new version of myself that found a new path or a new golden nugget to help me reach my dreams. My therapist shined light that it is not about going backwards but that life is not linear and that when I do go sideways I’m not failing I’m just taking different routes and evolving as I move forward.
My goal is to learn to show myself more grace likeI would to any friend that needed it if they told me they said all those mean things to themselves like I did above. Ive apologized to myself and last night, right before I fell asleep and while i was in so much pain from period cramps….this came to mind:
Today counts as a day in my journey to find what fuels my soul, what keeps me encouraged & enlightened.
Today wasn’t about excelling or making progress.
Today was about being 100% authentically raw and acknowledging my brokenness that I’m In the beginning stages of mending. I’m trying to listen to what my spirit is telling me. It’s telling me that today, defeat isn’t about failing.
Feeling defeated today equates to success in being able to name how I felt and not try to just cover it up with a bandaid.
Today I proclaimed I felt defeated and you know What?
It was freeing.
Today I let myself feel no shame for letting all emotions and thoughts defeat me.
Today I didn’t tell myself “ugh you shouldn’t feel this way when other people have it worse than you” no. I didn’t shame myself for letting me zone in to just me today.
No ma’am No sir, I didn’t.
Today I felt defeated.
Today I achieved success.
Tomorrow – not promised.
Tomorrow I’m ready to show up for whatever version of myself organically manifest. ✨💛
We got this friends….one step at a time, one day at a time without shame, without judgement without guilt. I’m 100% sure IT IS possible. I’m grateful for my tribe that supports me always – find your tribe and show them support too!
And as always,
Marisol Says It All XO